She's JV to your varsity
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
