I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
