have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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