Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
