Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize