U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
