im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
