Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
