...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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