Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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