All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
