That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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