but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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