I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
