apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You pole danced in your parka.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
