oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
