i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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