when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
