It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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