my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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