So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
