I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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