we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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