i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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