So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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