PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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