My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
