Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize