there was a trapeze. enough said
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize