dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
