Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
