think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
