Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
