theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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