I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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