What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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