hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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