I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
