You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
