3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
