youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
