I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
