He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
