So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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