Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
