i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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