need another drink. this is the easiest way
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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