Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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