you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
