Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
