she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
