im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
