Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
are you so shy because you have an std?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
