I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
