i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
