I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I am available for nakedness
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
