i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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