i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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