it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
