Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
