I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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