i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My bed smells like the plague
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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