Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
