So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
