I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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