david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
