my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
