My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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