his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
