Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
