Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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