in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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