You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
