on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
