I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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