There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
